In the category of Seussical impressions regarding grammatics . . .

this email from September 2005 wins first prize.  I was once again doing a random search through my inbox archives (shut up, it's my thing) and was delighted to see how the following poem evolved. 

It came at a time when I had just started working for a publisher in Washington, DC.  As an editorial assistant, I was tasked with bathing copy in red ink before it went to press.  The rest of the time I spent emailing with my dear friend Angela in Chicago.  We were both feeling like lone reeds ("standing tall, waving boldly, in the corrupt sands of commerce") and so would cheer each other up with silly back-and-forths about nothing.

This was the observation she made to me that day:

"I think all those years of not capitalizing things is trying to make up for lost time. I keep inadvertently capitalizing random words in the middle of sentences. I feel German or something..."

To which I replied:

"I'm so proud of your turning of the proverbial capitalization new leaf.  Wow, if any of my old professors would have read that last sentence, I shudder to think of the amount of red ink that would have been spilled in the writing of 'awkward phrasing'."

 

That last bit put me in Dr. Seuss mode, which then resulted in the following limerick I sent back to her:

 

Upon penning the most jumbled of phrases,

I awoke from the most dazed of hazes.

I shuddered to think of the amount of red ink

to be lost in my grammatical mazes.

 

Coincidentally, this poem also wins first prize in the category of Nerdiest Limerick Ever.

im me, e.e.

Sometimes I wonder what E. E. Cummings would think about the way we live now.  The man was not even ahead of his time.  He was right on time.  He paved the way for experimenting with form and punctuation in writing.  He certainly gave angsty teenage poets a way to express themselves ("capitalization, you're not the boss of me!").

If Mr. Cummings were still alive, would he delight in our poor email composition skills?  Would he laugh at our shortcuts (lol, btw, wtf)?  I wonder if he would embrace text messaging.  I like to think he would start an internet meme equal to "I can has cheezburger?"

At the very least, I think he would smirk at the fact that the MLA Handbook says that one space after a period is now more acceptable than two.  What is this world coming to?

if you like my poems let them

if you like my poems let them
walk in the evening,a little behind you

then people will say
"Along this road i saw a princess pass
on her way to meet her lover(it was
toward nightfall)with tall and ignorant servants."

-E. E. Cummings