The horror of health

The vegetables in my refrigerator are causing me anxiety.  It's not that I don't want to eat them.  I do.  It's just that there's so damn many of them, they can't last.  I'm afraid to open the fridge for fear of witnessing the last throes of a tomato.  When it's dinner time I hesitate between the eggplant and the zucchini.  Which one faces a greater danger of expiring?  I pick up the zucchini.  "I'll come back for you, eggplant!  Tomorrow!  Just hold on!" Then later, guilt: "More.  I could have cooked more.  Why didn't I make ratatouille?  I could have used two for it.  And I didn't!"  It's a regular Schindler's list up in my kitchen.

Here's how it all started:  a couple months ago I joined a CSA.  It's great.  Everything is fresh and vibrant.  The colors are rich and coursing with nutrients.  It's all so plentiful:

It's also a lot of veg.  I didn't realize it at the time, but even between the three people in our household, it takes some considerable menu planning to use each and every one of those little life-givers.  First I took the approach of showing respect to nature by trying to feature each vegetable, but I soon came to grips with the fact that I am not creative enough to feature that many scallions.  Then it became a how-many-vegetables-can-I-cram-into-this-stir-fry type of deal.  I mean, we're only getting these boxes of veggies every other week so you'd think it wouldn't be so difficult, but the other thing to take into account is the time and effort that goes into cooking each meal.  My name is not Ina Garten.  I wish it was, I really do.  Where's Jeffrey? 

So now I'm left with the race to save the escarole from the garbage.  I've practically given up meat I'm eating so many fruits and vegetables.  This is what I get for pursuing a healthy lifestyle.  And yet, every night, triage:  The lemons are shriveling! I run for the juicer.  The grapes are two degrees left of raisins.  Pick out the good ones, refresh in cold water, leave the weak behind.  The plums are growing mushrooms!  There's nothing more we can do.  Body bag (trash).

I'm not ready to give up on the CSA yet or my veggies.  The situation is serious.  It calls for constant vigilance.  And a limerick:

The stress that healthy eating gives
cannot be the right way to live.
The veggies are crying,
the fruit's quickly dying.
How I long for some preservatives!